Two musicians in the forest

It was a lovely day today, the first in a long time where the sun managed to make its way through the fog. That is why Thomas and I felt inspired to go to the forest. My ulterior motive was to gather pine cones for decorations. Note to self: when searching for pine cones, go to a forest which actually has pine trees....it makes things a lot easier ;-) So, no pine cones. In fact, we were completely alone. No joggers or dog walkers, or other humans. It was very quiet,except for an occasional bird, probably telling its fellow birds about these two weird humans, one in proper walking shoes (that was obviously not me) and the other one in ballerinas and a long dress ( that was obviously not Thomas). Other than pine cones, I did hope to see some animals, maybe a squirrel or a deer, but they were apparently not there today. However, what we did see was a sign, asking us to protect the forest ants. Now I don't know what makes forest ants different to other ants, but according to the sign, they are extremely useful. Having a rather active imagination, I inmediately saw Thomas and myself dressed up as warriors, complete with flaming swords (yes I know that Halloween was yesterday), standing in front of an ant and fiercely protecting it against whatever.... I'm sure Wagner could have composed a five hour opera given this scenario ;-)

Oh well, in spite of the absence of bears, wolves, deer and squirrels, it was a very lovely walk. The sun filtered through the leaves, and everything was bathed in a soft orange light. The crunching sound of the leaves which we walked over, the hammering of the woodpeckers on the trees, and not a car to be heard.....And the forest smells...a bit mushroomy and fresh and clean....yes, it was very nice.

And the cat is presently telling me to get away from my iPad and into the kitchen to cook her some chicken. As always, she reminds me of the REALLY important things in life: food and cuddles.

The last Rose of summer

We have been living in our little house for eleven years now. After about a year we planted things in our garden, including two rose bushes. Of course I wanted red and white roses, but, like many other things, that went wrong and now we have a yellow and a white rose bush. These things happen when you trust a "garden designer"... But, the roses are of course not to blame. In fact they do their best to flower every year and are the reason for much happiness in our little household.

This year we sadly did not really have a proper summer. It rained a lot and it was not really hot, which also has the positive side effect that we could sleep at night (our bedroom is situated under the roof, where heat usually gathers). Presently we are settling in for autumn. So far we can't complain. It was mild and often fairly sunny, and the colours outside are very beautiful at times. A few days ago I noticed that the yellow rose bush was actually carrying one blossom. Two days ago it opened and looked quite nice. Today it really opened up and looked so cheerful and actually perfect. As the nights are starting to grow very cold, Thomas cut off the rose and brought it inside so that it can live a little longer. Now our roses never had any kind of scent, but that didn't bother us. I have no idea why, but today Thomas decided to smell at the rose. Without saying anything, he passed it to me and I took a sniff and was amazed! The rose gave off the most painfully beautiful scent...not too weak and not too strong...in other words, just perfect. A mixture of memories, hope, sadness, as well as happiness....it utterly baffled and moved me. It was as though the rose wanted to send me a message...

And for once, the cat had no fitting aria to sing. Maybe the language of cats and roses is a bit too different. But I'm sure she will make up for it just before the crack of dawn tomorrow ;-)

Belonging

This morning while putting on my face (yes, I do take it off every night and hide it in a safe place, so consequently I tend to get up faceless in the mornings...poor Thomas), I suddenly realised that, if it weren't for the theatre here in Würzburg where I am currently working, I would not exist. If I remember correctly, my late grandfather did a bit of freelance acting in the theatre in his day, and my parents met at the ball which was hosted by the theatre. My mother is from here and my father studied the French Horn here at the music college. He also played in the orchestra as a student when the then "new" theatre re opened, after having been destroyed during the war. I uttered my first screams here, not exactly in the theatre, but certainly close by.... Shortly after these screams, and I sincerely hope not BECAUSE of them, my parents and I moved to Regensburg, where my father had a job at the opera house, and shortly after that we emigrated to South Africa.

I spent my formative years in that beautiful country, went to government schools and got my university degree. I felt very much at home there, but was always treated a bit like an outsider. Not at all in a nasty way, but it was always clear that I was not really "one of them". After the completion of my studies, I came to Germany to further my education. Things did not quite go as planned due to circumstances beyond my control, and I found myself short of funds and in need of a job. For some or other reason, fate decided to send me back to the city of my birth. Being young and optimistic, I told myself that everything would be all right as I now was where I belonged. Still I could not warm to the city. Just as I was about to leave, fate cemented my stay here by firmly fixing Thomas in my life. Still being young and optimistic, I told myself that it was a sign and that I now belonged here, but after some time I realised that it was the same as in my beloved South Africa: I was "at home", but never got to be "one of them" until today...

So, how does one know where one belongs? Of course there are all these sayings like "home is where the heart is" etc. Well the two most important people of my life are here...and yes, I certainly consider the cat as a "people", and so would you if you would have heard her rather long and voluminous aria at the crack of dawn this morning, just before she came into the bed for her cuddle, I have my job which I love and my cute little colourful house, but still, even after all this time, I never managed to feel as though I belong here...

Anyway, I am still young (ok...on a good day, with the right lighting and seen from a certain angle maybe) and there is still some optimism there somewhere, so I will firmly tell myself that someday I will arrive somewhere, with the cat and Thomas and know that I finally BELONG. And the cat will sing another aria, and all will be well :-)

A Violinist with a Mission

On Sunday it will be Thomas' birthday. He already has his "big" present, a fancy flash for his camera, but I like to have something in pretty wrapping paper, which he does not necessarily expect, to surprise him. As I had this morning off and he had to work, I decided that today was the day to set out on my mission. Needless to say, the rain is pouring down, but I do have a very pretty umbrella, so I braved the elements and set out. First I did the groceries, even a  birthday having husband gets hungry, and deposited the basket in my dressing room before I set out again. Thomas expressed the wish for a headset for his smartphone some time ago, so that was my purpose. After all, it should not be too hard to find something like that in town, or so I thought.....

On my way to store No 1, I had been splashed by passing cars three times, and therefore my legs and shoes were rather wet. Action HAD to be taken, so I detoured into a shoe store, where I probably unearthed the last pair of rain boots in town. They were affordable and not too bad looking, so I bought them and wore them at once. Now that the crisis of wet feet had been remedied, I cheerfully set forth to complete my mission. In the store of my choice, there were two customers standing ahead of me, but I decided to wait. I like studying people, so I did not really mind. I waited....and waited.....and waited...nothing at all seemed to happen with the customers who were being served. Meanwhile the line behind me went all through the store and continued outside. After 20 minutes of standinding, I gave up and decided, still rather cheerful, to try another store.

On my way there, I took full advantage of my new boots and gleefully stepped into every puddle. That was fun...I arrived at store No 2. All counters were busy, but there was no one else, so I decided to wait. After 10 minutes of no action, I decided to leave, and try my luck on the way back. Now comes my true act of heroism: slowly being at a loss of where else I could go to look for this headset, I took several deep breaths and entered one of these big, confusing media stuff stores, which are always completely full and cause me to panic. I even approached a salesperson and, with my most charming smile, asked whether he could help me. The man did speak to me, but mumbled so badly that I had to ask several times what he meant, until I finally thought that I possibly recognised the word "Bluetooth". I took that for a good sign and followed him. He, rather uncharmingly, lead me into an aisle and pointed to a shelf and left. I was faced by a variety of headsets in an even greater variety of prices and felt utterly at loss. Thoughts of emigrating entered my mind, but I pulled myself together and left the store, or rather fled from the store.

By now I was running out of time, but needed some positive imput, so I interrupted my mission to head to my favourite store to buy some lovely bubble bath...a very cheering act. In the shop I listened to the shopkeepers life story, smashed front car window, lost handbag, and was given a large handful of toffee's. On my way back I wanted to give store No 2 another try, just to see that NOTHING had changed during my absence. Still the same customers at the same counters. 

I tried two more shops, and finally, in the last one, and exactly five minutes before I was to meet up with Thomas, I found a lady, who spoke a language that I actually understood, who was able to smile, and to help me. Of course I did not get exactly what I wanted, I have no idea whether it is the right thing, and it has to be ordered and will only arrive next week, but the mission was completed. Unfortunately I will not have anything surprising for Thomas on Sunday, but I can always wrap up an empty box and put a note inside, reading: "Will be delivered sometime next week. Love, Sonja"

Meanwhile, back at home, the cat is wondering why I rather spend time writing this, than petting her instead. After all, in her world, I am to blame for the rain....

Maybe I should go jump into a few puddles now

Inventions

There are so many very clever people around, who invent all sorts of things. Unfortunately many of these people spend a huge amount of time developing highly complicated stuff which nobody can really use. Now if they would ask me....I have a few sensible suggestions for inventors. For instance, the self cleaning bathroom...all those tiles that need to be washed....or a dust eating house...no more notes for loved ones written in the dust on some cabinet ...or a vacuum cleaner that climbs up the walls and takes away the cobwebs that inevitably gather in corners under the ceiling...

Today it is raining, actually it has been doing that quite a lot lately, and , as usual in this weather, I got wet feet. Now I have a suggestion for shoe designers...Messrs Louboutin and Manolo take note : How about inventing some nice, affordable pairs of gum boots, that are stylish enough to wear with a dress, and do not make the potential wearer feel like an overgrown ten year old... I'm sure there would be a huge market for something like that. On the other hand....the thought of donning pink rain boots with a matching cape, wearing my hair in pigtails and jumping gleefully into the puddles just like a ten year old would, does hold a certain appeal ;-)

Naturally the cat would have four little booties too and a cape matching mine...now here is yet another idea for a sensible invention...:-)

Here is to singing in the rain and hoping...

Oh dear...Holidays

Once again the time has arrived for me to break out in holiday terror. We tend to book our summer getaway in February, by which time we already have endured a few months of cold and very little sun. Invariably thoughts of immigrating are very alluring, and the idea of 40+ degrees and glaring sun combined with an ocean becomes rather appealing. So we head off to our favourite travel agent, brainstorm with her and leave the agency a whole lot poorer, but filled with tantalizing visions of sunshine , a nice hotel and walking bare foot over soft white sand, whilst listening to the gentle murmur of waves...

Then the time arrives. The season has ended and I go into my post work depression. My parents are "booked" to look after the cat and the turtles. The day before we leave is filled with bringing the violin for its check up, the obligatory "my mother is coming the house has to be clean" panic, the packing of the suitcase (we always travel with only one suitcase ...actually we own only one suitcase). The usual worries..did we pack enough underwear, does suntan lotion actually go off after five years,what jewelry shall I take, what to wear on the trip, do I have everything I need to put my face on....all accompanied by the mournfully accusing looks of the cat. My parents arrive with what looks like all their worldly belongings and then we head out to dinner with them. By this time I am convinced that the whole holiday thing is highly unnecessary and that we should just pass on the tickets and everything to my parents and stay home with the cat. After all I wanted her and she is my responsibility and I am a terrible cat mommy, abandoning her like that. The taxi is ordered for just after 7 am. Finally we head to bed, knowing that we have to get up at 5.30, fervently hoping that the cat will not throw up during the night, which she usually does....

The morning of departure dawns. We creep out of bed, so as not to wake up my parents. I cringe innerly and shush the cat as she begins with her rather loud morning aria, this time tinged with accusatory notes... After a hurried breakfast and a severely disrupted morning routine, the taxi comes and brings us to the station. We stand there, feeling lost in the early morning,waiting at our singularly unattractive station for the train. Once we arrive at Frankfurt airport, total confusion sets in on my part, and I never fail to be overawed by the fact that Thomas always knows exactly where to go. I would just get horribly lost. By this time I have only one thought in my head : COFFEE ! After much running we arrive where we have to be and now starts the part of feeling like a criminal. The handbag goes through the security thing and a usually butch lady in unbecoming health shoes makes me take off my shoes, paws me down and then runs the metal detector up and down me, which always starts beeping because of my hair clips and makes me feel awful. The COFFEE voice in my head has grown very persistent. When, after much trials the suitcase has finally been checked in, and I have not given in to the urge to murder someone, I see a coffee sign on the horizon. Finally, after the first sip of the strong, black, hot liquid, I can at last relax and begin to realise that I am supposed to be on a lovely holiday....that is until bewilderment hits me on arrival at our destination ...

I never claimed to be a rationally thinking,grown up person. That is all I can say to my defense...

Happy holidays ! 

30 Days

A while ago I took part in a Facebook experiment, requiring me to post three happy things in the space 

of one week. It was a very enjoyable adventure, even though it was not always easy- a week can seem very long. However, thanks to the support of Thomas, I stuck with it and I had some nice experiences. Of course, nothing spectacular like being discovered as the only living heir to a kingdom and enough money to buy Louboutins for the rest of my life, wear a crown every day and breakfast on Russian caviar and French champagne . And no, the conductors of the world did not come to realise that they absolutely HAVE to book me for concerts, but little things, like making people smile after giving them 3 minutes of my life to listen to their stories, the realization that a bunch of flowers, given in the right spirit can be one of the most beautiful things in the world...and that the purring of the cat can make up for many of life's hardships. Anyway, the week came to an end and somehow I thought that things would carry on from there. Instead I have found myself in a semi permanent depressed state, a frame of mind, which I am more than tired of. I discussed this with Thomas (who is very clever and knows a lot) and he said that, in order to really change something, I would have to stick with it for a space of 30 days without interruption. If I interrupt, I have to start all over again. I decided to take up the challenge. Once we are back from our week's holiday in Mallorca, I intend to post three happy things on Facebook every day for 30 days. We'll see wht happens. Of course it would be more fun if some other crazy person might join me, but I have a sneaky suspicion that I am on my own with this one.

So, until then, I will allow myself some serious wallowing in a semi depressed state, tinged with a good amount of self pity. I mean, EVERYBODY has more fun than I, more friends (well, I do live a very secluded life), no one cares for me, other people get all the good stuff to play. Other people have children (I will have to live with that), nicer kitchens than me, they cook better and have nicer houses and gardens. Other people look nicer, are nicer and have prettier shoes and live in nicer countries where there is an ocean and the sun shines....Yes, I am VERY good at this game ;-)

So here's to some weeks of being happily unhappy and then, who knows.... Maybe I will turn into a beautiful butterfly, or get to wear that crown. Should that be the case, the cat will get her own throne and a diamond neckband.